Why Can't I Stop Thinking About the Past? (Part 2)
Do you find yourself replaying painful memories over & over again?
Does it feel like no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to move past the past--no matter how long ago it was? If you answered yes to the above questions, you're not alone. Our brains are wired to process experiences, but sometimes they get stuck in painful loops--especially when it comes to distressing or traumatic events. It can feel like no matter how hard you try; you can't break free from thinking about the past. In Part 1, we explored why painful memories linger and how they can shape our emotions and reactions in the present. Now, let's dive deeper into why this happens and what you can do about it.
Why Does My Brain Hold Onto Painful Memories?
The brain has a natural way of processing experiences, primarily through memory reconsolidation. When something distressing happens, the emotional center of your brain—the amygdala—activates, sending signals to store that event as important. While this system usually works well, it may not get fully processed if the experience is too overwhelming. This can lead to our brains leaving fragments of that memory stored in a way that resurfaces, especially when we don't want it to.
In this blog, I’m sharing why our brains latch onto painful experiences & what you can do to help.
Hi, I’m Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC
I am a counselor in Carolina Beach, NC, and I specialize in helping adults improve self-esteem, decrease anxiety, and move past trauma. I provide EMDR therapy to help clients process the deep-rooted beliefs and experiences that keep them stuck in cycles of stress, self-doubt, and anxiety.
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Interested In Reading Part 1 ? (Click Below)
What Can Happen When Our Brains Latch Onto The Past?
Intrusive Thoughts – Unwanted memories seemingly appear out of nowhere, causing emotional distress.
Emotional Triggers – Everyday situations can remind you of past events, making you feel like you're reliving them or causing stronger-than-expected emotional reactions to seemingly small stimuli.
Negative Thought Patterns – Painful memories can reinforce self-doubt, fear, or a sense of helplessness.
How Can I Stop Ruminating on the Past?
While it's impossible to erase memories, you can change how they affect you. Here are some techniques that can help:
1. Mindfulness & Grounding Techniques
Practicing mindfulness helps you focus on the present moment instead of dwelling on the past. Try deep breathing, guided meditation, or grounding by engaging your senses (e.g., noticing sights, sounds, or textures) to stay present when distressing memories arise.
2. Cognitive Reframing
This involves identifying negative thought patterns linked to past events and consciously shifting your perspective. Instead of thinking, "I should have done something differently," try, "I did the best I could with the knowledge I had." Reframing helps reduce guilt and self-blame.
3. Journaling & Expressive Writing
Writing about painful experiences in a structured way can help your brain process them more effectively. Try journaling about what happened, how it made you feel, and what you've learned.
4. Seeking Professional Support: EMDR Therapy
Have you tried the above strategies & still haven't received the relief you crave? Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) is a highly effective therapy for helping people process unresolved memories. It allows your brain to reprocess traumatic or distressing events in a way that reduces their emotional intensity, making them feel less intrusive over time. EMDR takes those problematic memory fragments & helps our brains file them where they need to be. In layperson's terms, this often means relief from negative thought loops, intrusive thoughts, and emotional triggers!
Moving Forward
If painful memories interfere with your daily life, know that healing is possible. Therapy, self-compassion, and effective coping strategies can help you find relief. While we can't severe ourselves from our pasts, we can heal from the wounds that hold us back.
I'm Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC, a therapist specializing in anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem. I offer online and in-person therapy in Carolina Beach, NC. If you're ready to explore healing options like EMDR, I invite you to schedule a free consultation today.
How to Start Therapy with Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC:
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Complete a short intake questionnaire.
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Additional Services Offered by Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC:
I specialize in working with clients experiencing anxiety, past trauma and low self-esteem, specifically through the use of EMDR. Experiencing chronic insomnia? I also provide CBT-I.
Interested in counseling and want to use your insurance? I accept many insurance plans. Reach out today to inquire whether I’m network.
Interested in attending counseling in the office? I'm located at 1328 N Lake Park Blvd, STE 109, Carolina Beach, NC 28428. Once you cross over Snow's Cut Bridge, take the first left at the light & I am located in Carolina Beach Pavilion.
Online Counseling
Are you interested in counseling but live too far to commute to the session? If you are located within the state of North Carolina & are interested in online counseling, reach out today to discuss whether this is the right option for you.
Now Offering Telehealth for Florida Residents – Private Pay Only
I am now available to see clients in Florida via secure telehealth sessions. If you're struggling with anxiety, trauma, insomnia or low self-esteem, virtual therapy can provide the support you need from the comfort of your home. Contact me to learn more or schedule a session today!