Understanding Attachment Wounding: What It Is and How It Affects Daily Life
What Exactly Is Attachment Wounding?
Attachment wounding refers to the emotional injuries we sustain when our early attachment needs are not met in healthy and secure ways. These wounds often originate in childhood relationships with caregivers and can leave lasting imprints on how we view ourselves, others, and the world.
Attachment theory explains that our early interactions with caregivers shape our attachment styles. When caregivers are inconsistent, neglectful, or emotionally unavailable, it can lead to attachment wounds. Even the most well-meaning of caregivers can sometimes miss the mark, resulting in attachment wounds. While these wounds occur during times of development (i.e. throughout childhood & adolescence), their impacts can be far-reaching into our adult lives. In our adult lives, these long-lasting wounds can manifest as feelings of unworthiness, fear of abandonment, or difficulty trusting others, causing disastrous effects on both our self-image and relationships.
In this blog, I’m discussing what defines attachment wounding, the signs that you may be impacted by past childhood wounds, & strategies for moving past this deep hurt.
How Attachment Wounding Shows Up in Daily Life
Since attachment wounds don't stay confined to our past, they often reveal themselves in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways in our adult lives. Here are some common ways they may appear:
1. Difficulty in Relationships
Do you find yourself feeling overly dependent on your partner or, conversely, pushing people away? Do you feel highly anxious when your partner doesn't text you back immediately, or do you tend to run away from relationships when you're expected to be emotionally vulnerable? Attachment wounding often shows up as insecure attachment patterns, such as:
Anxious attachment: Constantly seeking reassurance and fearing rejection.
Avoidant attachment: Struggling to open up and feeling uncomfortable with emotional closeness.
Disorganized attachment: A mix of inappropriate reassurance seeking and avoidance in emotionally intimate relationships.
2. Negative Self-Perception
Attachment wounds can feed negative core beliefs, such as:
"I'm not lovable."
"I'm not good enough."
"I can't depend on anyone."
These beliefs can lead to low self-esteem and self-sabotaging behaviors.
3. Emotional Dysregulation
Do you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions or struggling to feel anything at all? Attachment wounds can disrupt your ability to regulate emotions, leading to feelings of distress, intense anxiety, or emotional numbness.
4. Fear of Abandonment or Rejection
This fear can manifest as people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or clinging to relationships—even unhealthy ones.
5. Avoidance of Vulnerability
If you've been hurt in the past, you might protect yourself by avoiding emotional closeness, suppressing your feelings, or striving for excessive independence.
Hi, I’m Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC
I am a counselor in Carolina Beach, NC, and I specialize in anxiety, PTSD, low self-esteem and insomnia. I provide EMDR, CBT-I, and other evidence-based approaches to help you heal and feel your best.
Ready to tackle past childhood wounds? Click the button below to get started in therapy with me:
Healing from Attachment Wounds
The good news is that attachment wounds can heal. Here's how you can begin the journey:
1. Build Awareness
The first step is to recognize how attachment wounds influence one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Journaling and self-reflection can be good places to start.
2. Seek Therapy
Attachment wounds often require professional support to heal. Therapy modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) can help get to the root of the issue so that your brain can begin to heal old attachment wounds and form new & healthier patterns.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Healing attachment wounds means learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Replace negative self-talk with affirming statements like, "I am worthy of love and connection." If you're having difficulty practicing internal kindness, self-compassion, and loving kindness meditations can be a good place to start.
4. Foster Secure Relationships
Surround yourself with people who provide consistent, reliable, and supportive connections. These relationships can act as a corrective experience, helping to heal old wounds.
5. Learn Emotional Regulation Skills
Mindfulness, deep breathing, and grounding techniques can help you manage overwhelming emotions and feel more in control.
Take the Next Step in Your Healing Journey
If you recognize yourself in any of the patterns described above, know that you're not alone—and you don't have to navigate this journey alone. EMDR therapy can be a powerful tool for healing attachment wounds and creating a life filled with deeper connection and self-acceptance.
Want more information about how EMDR can help you move past old hurts & limiting negative beliefs?
Check out my earlier blog post: EMDR Therapy: Unlocking the Path to Healing
How to Start Therapy with Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC:
1. Click the button below to request a free 15-minute consultation.
2. Complete the required screener at least 24 hour prior to your consultation time.
3.
Take the phone call from Amanda Parmley at the prearranged & agreed-upon time.
4. Start your therapeutic journey.
Additional Services Offered by Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC:
In addition to providing EMDR I also specialize in working with clients experiencing insomnia, specifically through the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I).
Interested in counseling and want to use your insurance? I accept many insurance plans. Reach out today to inquire whether I’m network.
Interested in attending counseling in the office? I'm located at 1328 N Lake Park Blvd, STE 109, Carolina Beach, NC 28428. Once you cross over Snow's Cut Bridge, take the first left at the light & I am located in Carolina Beach Pavilion.
Online Counseling
Are you interested in counseling but live too far to commute to the session? Studies show that online counseling is as effective as in-person services, with the added bonus of convenience. If you are located within the state of North Carolina & are interested in online counseling, reach out today to discuss whether this is the right option for you.